Reply with quote #4
No, you're not the only person addicted to rubbing alcohol. I too like the way it smells and always have--along with nail polish remover, Lysol, Windex, gasoline, and hand sanitizer (only certain type of things). I too start to salivate when I think about it and begin to shake. I tend to be in a bad mood when I can't get my hands on them like I want. I have suffered with it for years now and thought that I was in doom and despair--still really feel like it at times. A huge part of me is relieved that I found this forum. I have never been a part of one. I have been living with this shame for a long while now and it is tearing my life a part. You feel like you can't tell anyone because you fear they will treat you differently. Surprisingly, many people don't even know what inhalant abuse is and it's basically impossible to find support groups anywhere for it. I have a wonderful husband, a great government job, and decent life. I became addicted to this stuff at around 18 years old and am now going on 33. I was addicted, at first, from 18 to about 23. Then I recovered. Then about two years ago, it raised its ugly head again. I feel terrible because I feel that I am ruining my marriage. My emotional health has completely changed in that I am highly irritated all the time. I snap at my husband a lot and am having problems at work. The thoughts and craving "hit" me like a ton of bricks all the time and I do my best to stop them, but I fail much of the time. I find myself sneaking away to do it whether I'm at work or church! I feel totally alone. I love my husband, but he can't even begin to understand what I am going through. He is a very sweet man with a big heart that loves me, but he has not walked the same road as I. Sometimes I wish that we were not together simply so that I won't make things hard for him--I love him too much. How shameful is it to have a wife that has a drug addiction. It's horrible! I went to my doctor recently to get help and ended up feeling like a fool--my doctor doesn't even know what inhalant addiction is. I then figured that she would be no help at all. I just want to find a support group with which I can totally release all m feelings, fears, pains, regrets, etc. I want so badly to stop. My only hope is in God. At least I know I am not alone out here.......