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Anonnona

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #16 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelleylynn
My daughter passed away September 12 2017 only 22 years old. Please email the Dr Phil show and share your story. I have been emailing weekly. Maybe if they get alot of stories about horrible can they will do a show on it. They are national!! Laws need to be changed law enforcement needs to know signs of it treatment places need to be trained for it! It need to be taken off the market!!! Thank you! I am so very glad u were able to beat this evil drug!


Kelley I am so so sorry for your loss. I cannot fathom the pain of a mother losing her child so young. She had so many years left, and this drug takes too much. Too much to be so readily available. That's where the allure of it is. It's EVERYWHERE! So easy to get ahold of! So cheap! So powerful in its unassuming nature that it can erase entire days. It enables those with the broken hearts and sad souls to turn off the lights at a whim. I will send it now. This needs to be stopped. This will be stopped. Anyone who reads this. I urge you to share your stories. You're not alone. We hear you. We will listen to your pain. You are so much more than alone. There are so many just like you. Don't give up. You can beat this. Yesterday marks a year. I feel wonderful.
Anyonehere

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Posts: 21
Reply with quote  #17 
Anonnona- how did you quit? And how long did you use? Its nice to read another post of someone who was able to quit - it gives me hope. Thank you!
Kelleylynn

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #18 
I am sooooooo glad you are still clean!! Congratulations!! I know how hard it has to be to get to this point! Duster was something my daughter tried as a teen and was never able to quit! She could go a few months. As long as she was with me daily. As soon as she was alone she'd start to use again. I never really understood why she just wouldn't be DONE with it. You never think it's going to happen to you! You always here sad stories about death. But that ALWAYS happens to other people never close to home! Well it does happen..... To anyone it did me..... She thought she had it all figured out "as long as u don't shake the can " "as long as u stay sitting up" every day is still a struggle for me. I am now raising her 3 year old son. Which I love with all my heart. He tells me daily he "just misses his mom". As do I...... If am really just wanting to express these things. .. To who ever might be reading if you're addicted to this stuff each huff might be your last! Please keep that in mind! Duster does not care about your age, your family, or you! It's a very greedy drug!! Please email Dr Phil show with you story! Maybe in numbers something will change! My daughter did no other drugs nor drink it was just this wonderful can!!!! Thank you for reading and I hope the best for you!
Anonnona

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #19 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anyonehere
Anonnona- how did you quit? And how long did you use? Its nice to read another post of someone who was able to quit - it gives me hope. Thank you!


I used every once in a blue moon for a year or so. Then as things got hard I turned to it more frequently and eventually lost track of time. It's literally all mushed together, memories with no sense of time. I was in dark rooms most of it, days on end. If I had to guess I would say the point where I couldn't go a day without to the day I quit would be a period of around a year and a half.

My final days with it I was hounded by everyone around me. I was made to get, and maintain a job to have a roof over my head. I found one at a restaurant, and asked them to fill up my every waking hour that I wasn't in school with work. And I stayed busy. Made a few friends, had a few girlfriends, ANYTHING to keep my mind occupied. Eventually idk... It just begins to call for you less and less. But stay busy. Set goals and achieve those goals. You CAN do this. There is still life to live for you yet even if you can't see it now.
Anonnona

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #20 
I'm moving to Orlando Florida in two days. I wish for a fresh start. True to my words I've stayed clean. I was moving some furniture and I found a can stash. I vividly remembered this day. Yes, this is one, single, day. I could have died. If you see this, and then see the same thing under any circumstances in your personal life, seek help. Seek. Help. I should be dead. I'm not. You or your loved one is eating a gun barrel. Take action.

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Partnerisanaddict

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Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #21 
I feel like I lost the man I loved the day i found him slumped over drooling, eyes vacant, convulsing and literally unable to speak. He hasn't been the same since his eyes went vacant and I feel like I saw his soul leave his shell. That's what seemed is left a shell. He returned from rehab empty and numb. No joy for his daughter or I. Now like the posts I read he's in jail on huffing charges, these posts all seem to go that way. Jail, rehabs then either actually getting clean or death. I feel as though I'm emotionally preparing myself for the worst. I'm so happy for those of you that stopped. I honestly can't understand, what does this high feel like that it's worth vomiting, peeing, having a heart attack. I'm sorry I'm not attacking I'm just so confused. But the question is serious is it just to escape? What does this high feel like?
Anyonehere

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Posts: 21
Reply with quote  #22 
From someone trying to quit, i can offer some insight (unfortunately)... for me, it's not so much a "high"- as if you were shooting drugs or snorting cocaine- its a fading out..a numbing. You feel a little buzz - similar to if you've ever done a "whippit".. but then you just fade. Youre not sitting in your car in a parking lot or laying in bed at home - youre in a blank nothingness. There's no physical pain, but no emotional pain either.. and you breathe it in until you pass out. And then put the can back up to your lips and keep breathing and passing out. Its strange to understand, but its automatic at that point - youre not waking up And alert, you just aren't "out" and you grab the can again. And this can go on for hours, all night, or days over the weekend - for me, 4 cans a night, which is down from times where i have done 10 cans in a night.
In the meantime, while you've been passed out, you may have pissed yourself or vomited on yourself, and you've probably dropped your can as you passed out and it burned your arm. The cans get so cold that if they touch your skin, you'll get burned - like serious, 2nd degree, boiled up burns that will leave permanent scars. I have them all on my upper arms (On the underside) from passing out and having the can drop and burn me. Even through long sleeves.. even when you try to wrap the can - that falls off at some point or when you change cans throughout the night as that one is emptied, the next can isn't wrapped, so here come the burns.
It's terrible. Its not flattering, it's a disgusting way to live. The shame and embarrassment of having to rotate stores to buy from and endure the looks from cashiers. The fear you have waking up every morning and touching your face first to see if a can may have landed on your cheek , leaving you with a face scar you will never get rid of. Trying to hife and explain the burns. I'm in therapy now and its new, so i can't say I'm recovered or have even stopped. I'm trying, but its hard. Its mentally addictive and physically - imagine a serious smoke trying to quit and the craving they feel for nicotine. That's what i imagine is similar to the physical craving. During the day, I'm fine but in the evening, the thought creeps in and your mind becomes obsessed. I've never been addicted to anything before - never tried hard drugs, never drink, smoke cigarettes, weed, etc- but this stuff is so mentally controlling and hard to kick because it offers euphoria and a numbing effect (at the time). And when you start craving it, you're not thinking about the unpleasant after effects, or the chance you could die, or the damage its doing to your body, or your family. It cuts off logical and rational thinking. I hate to make excuses for anyone, especially myself, but i feel sorry for anyone in the grips of these cans. It ruins lives and when you're the one having your life fall apart, knowing you want to quit, but being addicted, it's hell. I know everyone's situation is different in regards to how they started, what triggers them, etc. , but i do believe that we are all in pain. For me, a death of a family member was my start and I've continued for almost 3 yrs because of habit, addiction, and the fact that it mentally & physically numbs me. I don't feel body aches, it helps put me to sleep, and i don't feel emotional pain. Its a terrible coping mechanism, it could kill me any night, and its damaging my body - i do understand this. Again, I'm trying to quit and i will... i just wanted to give some insight from a user's perspective. For me, I'm alone and loneliness and solitude are a huge factor. I'm not sure what pain your husband is numbing, but there's something - and hopefully you can be up front & figure it out so he can deal with the root problem and kick the cans. I'm praying for him, your family, and everyone in situations like this or who have lost loved ones. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.
BlueRider

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Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #23 
Anyonehere, I think you've done a really good job of describing it. My word for it is "Oblivion". In his noteworthy TED talk "Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong", Johann Hari says "a core part of addiction ... is about not being able to bear to be present in your life." Nowhere is this more true than in the case of duster.

In the end, though, i think there is no way for someone who hasn't been inside the addiction to understand it.

I also want to highlight a very important point you made - about how re-dosing becomes automatic once you first pass out. This cannot be emphasized enough. The user is only consciously choosing to take the first two or three rips. For the remainder of the session, you're not really present. I remember hearing a proverb about alcoholism that goes something like this: first, the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man. When it comes to duster, it is literally the case that the can is doing the huffing after those first two or three rips. Are there any other drugs like that?
Anyonehere

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Posts: 21
Reply with quote  #24 
Bluerider- thank you and i love the proverbs. Can i ask- are you still in the grips or are you in recovery? I would be so glad to meet someone else who has been through this and can give me some insight on how they were able to overcome this. (Other than inpatient rehabilitation, because that's not an option for me). I'm still trying to muster up the courage to go to an NA meeting... just haven't gotten there yet. But, any advice would be appreciated- thanks 😊
BlueRider

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Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #25 
Well, I haven't used duster since June 2016. I can NOT recommend the method I used to quit. I swapped out duster for meth. Not by design, but that's what happened. I had been going to NA, and I underwent outpatient treatment (PHP followed by IOP), and continued to struggle with duster. A guy who I met in NA introduced me to meth (and heroin and crack for that matter, but neither of those had much appeal for me, whereas I loved meth). Never went back to duster since the first time I used meth, nor was it a struggle. Eventually, I did 81 days of residential treatment for meth.

Pitch that quit method right out the window. :-) I do have some better ideas for how to quit. I'll start by saying that I am not much troubled by urges to use duster these days, and I attribute that largely to having a couple years between now and my last use. (I still make a point of noticing where the duster is when I walk into stores sometimes, which is probably not the healthiest thing, but even when I do that, I don't feel any temptation - sometimes revulsion). Now you just need something to get you through the first two years clean. :-)

You mentioned NA, that is one good option. There's also an alternative to 12-step called SMART Recovery. That's the program I'm using these days. I attend a few AA/NA meetings too, they're not mutually exclusive. SMART is science-based, it says we are powerful not powerless, emphasizes choice, discourages the use of labels like 'addict’ and 'alcoholic’, and gives you a set of tools. I feel like it is overall very practical. There's also no spiritual or religious component, but it is in no way hostile to that sort of thing. http://www.smartrecovery.org If you use one or more of these types of programs I'd recommend you get as deeply involved as you can, I think that will increase your odds of success. In 12-step, they call that being ”in the middle of the boat”.

I understand inpatient is not on the table, but if you think you might at some point seek “rehab” (inpatient or outpatient), I recommend that you first read a book called “Inside Rehab” by Anne Fletcher. Among other things, it can help with understanding the options, how to pick a good rehab, questions to ask, what to expect, etc

Also, in that book I learned about something called Community Reinforcement Approach (CRA). Apparently, it's a very effective, but little-used treatment modality. As I understand it, the idea is to fill your life with more rewarding activities than using drugs. I'm sure that’s a simplification. I don't have experience with it, but it sounds pretty sensible to me, and studies show it to be very effective. The website is http://www.robertjmeyersphd.com/, there's a short video there, and a list of therapists who offer it.

And speaking of therapists, if you're not already working with a therapist, you might do well to find one with expertise (and probably certification) in addiction.

Another resource would be your employer's EAP, if they have one.

I can go into more detail about SMART, or stuff I learned in rehab, let me know. The rehab stuff is mostly from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). That's something you might want to pursue. It is very helpful for me. I looked around on the web for something I could give you as a good explanation of it, here's a page that lays it out pretty well, and there's a little video too: https://behavioraltech.org/resources/faqs/dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt/

A very important tip about mindset throughout this: never ever beat yourself up over a slip. If it happens, you can try to learn from what happened and make yourself stronger. Do not feel bad about yourself. Just hold on to your intention to quit, and keep going.

I'm so sorry that you are struggling with this. I know what a monster it is. It had a stranglehold on me for a year. I hope you stay well and find a way to conquer it.

Hourglass92

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Posts: 2
Reply with quote  #26 
I am beyond words that this post is still so active.. Anonnona... I've been following this post since the day it was made. Last may of 2017 I was working what would be my last year as a computer technician. I was looking to see if anyone had similar problems in using air duster as a suicide method. I grew up with split parents and left my mom for my dad when I was 16 who received a felony charge for drugs in July of last year. I have been using air duster since 2013 but last year was the year for me. I lost my 3 year job as a tech, my girlfriend who I had trust issues with and my family. I huffed so much and ultimately lost everything, I went to jail 4 times and watched the girl I had "trust" issues with cry until she told me to leave and that she couldn't handle me doing it anymore. I moved back in with my single mom and spent a little over a month in rehab but I haven't found the strength to stop. I'm extremely sad and I don't want to hurt anymore and I've been using this in hopes that I won't wake back up one time. My mom is very busy and she can't keep an eye on me so I get away with it. Everytime I do it I cry and listen to music until I pass out. I'm really worried I'm going to leave my heart broken mother who has already seen enough in this life time. I'm worried im actually going to die I'm working at wal mart now finally and I just keep planning to do it. I've already gone through the jail and rehab phase and I don't want to revisit it. I would rather take the last option. I do 6 to 8 cans at a time and listen to system of a down, nothing more and my favorite band breaking benjamin because it seems to enhance music. I always though this would be the best way to go since there is no pain. I'm about 4 weeks clean but I know I'm going to do it again [frown] and I got put of rehab in February and have relapsed very hard twice but I ran out of money until now. God help my mom [frown]
Anonnona

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #27 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hourglass92
I am beyond words that this post is still so active.. Anonnona... I've been following this post since the day it was made. Last may of 2017 I was working what would be my last year as a computer technician. I was looking to see if anyone had similar problems in using air duster as a suicide method. I grew up with split parents and left my mom for my dad when I was 16 who received a felony charge for drugs in July of last year. I have been using air duster since 2013 but last year was the year for me. I lost my 3 year job as a tech, my girlfriend who I had trust issues with and my family. I huffed so much and ultimately lost everything, I went to jail 4 times and watched the girl I had "trust" issues with cry until she told me to leave and that she couldn't handle me doing it anymore. I moved back in with my single mom and spent a little over a month in rehab but I haven't found the strength to stop. I'm extremely sad and I don't want to hurt anymore and I've been using this in hopes that I won't wake back up one time. My mom is very busy and she can't keep an eye on me so I get away with it. Everytime I do it I cry and listen to music until I pass out. I'm really worried I'm going to leave my heart broken mother who has already seen enough in this life time. I'm worried im actually going to die I'm working at wal mart now finally and I just keep planning to do it. I've already gone through the jail and rehab phase and I don't want to revisit it. I would rather take the last option. I do 6 to 8 cans at a time and listen to system of a down, nothing more and my favorite band breaking benjamin because it seems to enhance music. I always though this would be the best way to go since there is no pain. I'm about 4 weeks clean but I know I'm going to do it again [frown] and I got put of rehab in February and have relapsed very hard twice but I ran out of money until now. God help my mom [frown]


You cannot let this stuff control you. There is life beyond it. Your first order if business is to stay clean. Then you need to find productive things to do with yourself. Help people. Hell help your mom! Maybe God is helping you both getting you two together. And to everyone who has turned their backs on you, as harsh as this sounds, if someone really loves you, they could never turn their backs on you. And as similar as your story is to mine, you just might be assuming they have. I was. Only the ones that had no place in my life disappeared.

Hear me and hear me well. Duster will make you think you're worthless or better off dead. This is what addiction feeds on. And duster is especially devious it speaks in your voice. You are not alone and you can beat this.

I have been diagnosed with depression, adhd, acute anxiety and I'm personally pretty f**king sure I have multiple personalities from my past. All I'm saying is maybe a can isn't what you need. Maybe you need help. I did. It's okay to reach out. The ones who love you will help you in the best way they as an individual can.

Im proud as hell of you for reaching out. You're four weeks in. Let's do four more. That'll be eight. Two months. Hang in there.
Hourglass92

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Posts: 2
Reply with quote  #28 
Thanks. The thoughtfulness helps. I'm not trying to be over dramatic or anything. I think I almost died today. I had the worst black out I've ever had. I passed out for 5 or 6 hours and my body lost oxygen. My face turned white blue and I had a crust built up over it. I'm just on here talking about it because I don't want to tell anyone else.
Kelleylynn

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #29 
You REALLY need to talk to someone you trust!! U WILL die!! My daughter passed away September 12 2018 she was 22 years old!! It was the hardest day of my life!! Planning her funeral was even harder!! Please don't do that to your mom! There is plently to live for!! There is life after duster! It's the evilest can in the world!! It is beatable! Please stay strong! Find a new hobby don't take any money with you when you go to Walmart. Just fight the urges! I know it's beatable!! I wish you the best! Please tell someone so they can help!
Anonnona

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #30 
Talk to someone who is able to help you more. We can only help you so much. I'm three days late responding to this. That's the reason you need to talk to someone. You are here for a reason, and that reason isn't to end up on the wall of remembrance here. You'll find your reason when you stop looking for it, for now, seek help from anyone close to you and rehab if necessary. You'll find your reason but yo have fun doing it! Live for now, not shaking empty cans when your broke, not for a casket. Get. Help. Have someone watch you 24/7. Whether it family or a facility. Trust me when it's over its like waking from a nightmare and curling up in a nice cool bed realizing everything's gonna be alright. Please be alright.
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