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Katy123

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Posts: 1
Reply with quote  #1 
Hi I'm 20 years old a mother of a 2 year old and a fiancée of an duster addict. I can't really talk to anyone in my family or my friends for advice or what should I do since I'm embarrassed of the situation. Two years ago when I met my fiancée he had just got kicked out of his house his friends kicked him out because he was unstable and on serenity which I didn't know until after the fact he was living with me then I worked with him and helped him he moved in with me we had our own place then we lost everything I moved back in with my parents he couldn't move in with me and he ended up being homeless now he's hooked on air duster recently things have been brightening up for him he's got a job soon to fill in an management position he's living with a co worker but now he's hooked on duster. I feel absolutely helpless, and betrayed. I don't know what to do anymore I have a two year old from a previous relationship and even though my fiancée is the one who's token care of my son since he was 6 months I'm afraid for myself and my kid you know? I don't know what he's capable of or what duster does to you. & he lies repeatedly about using it. He's so addicted and is totally losing it that sometimes he calls me we'll he's high on it and he's dazed out for a second then he's back to normal with no embarrassment just up and calls me even when he's at work when he goes on break he goes and gets his fix. You know I've been his backbone the first time and now I feel like a fool if I stick through this again if he didn't change the first round what makes me think he'll change the next time around do I really want to live my life worried if he's going to do drugs or worry about what's next? Crack? Meth? I don't know what to think or do anymore I'm emotionally stressed and drained I have to focus on my son not my fiancée he matters more but it's like my mind tells me to leAve him and just move on and love my life that I can't change someone who's not wanting to change but my heart tells me I can't leave someone I've been with for years in the dirt but it hurts as well when all I ask him is for him to tell me the truth we are suppose to get married he's suppose to be willingly open with me so we can work on this together. Instead he lies to me constantly about what he feels and what goes on with him but he swear he loves me. I don't understand sometimes I question is it love or is it the fact that he doesn't want to be alone. I understand he's going through a lot being homeless and living with a co worker he's known for just 2 months but he has a lot of things to look forward to. He'll be a manager in two months we are working for an apartment and he has a place to at least lay his head at at night I understand he might be a new acquaintance but his co worker is a good person I just don't get it and I'm at the point where maybe I don't want to get it anymore... Idk does anyone know if any hotlines for the loved ones of addicts? I'm in need of someone to talk to who know what im going through
CeciliaRaul

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #2 
My heart honestly breaks the more I read the different cases of brain damage due to inhalants[frown]
I can relate and I can say I know exactly what your going through ..
When I was about 12 years old I discovered I could get a high from the computer cleaner .i didn't like it much but I did like the high it have me! Soon after that I discovered I could get the same high using Air Wick! I did that on and off for about a year ! Not knowing so not fearing the consequences it would permanently leave ...It compleatly changed my life and not at all for the good .. My life changed around the age of 15 ..I remember sitting in front of a church with a friend and feeling a blow to my head . .after that my life would never be the same as before ..I felt as if I entered another world . Still having contuse I knew I was in the wrong for the bad I had done using Air Wick I was now forced to live in my own world(At least that's how it felt) .. Being scared to come out to my family I kept it to myself ! I was so scared and so lost yet I refused to let anyone know ..I went on with my life even with all this .i met the father of my son now he's 4 ! Very domestic relationship but for the first time I came out about my problem .To my surprise he just thought I was crazy craving attention! 3 years of that bit a huge blessing came when I met my now fiance Raul .. Afraid to speak out I kept it away from him till about 10 months ago I realized he was different and loved me and my son dearly so I chose to come out and tell him ..And now he's my biggest support system. I let him know this ....'' I'm not normal I'm different I don't see this life the way you see it I feel like I'm in my own world ..as normal as I may act I feel so lost ..My memory is bad and only getting worst ..being3 months pregnant with my now 3 month old baby boy . We chose to wait to look for answers .. Now being in so much pain I chose to go to the ER maybe they'll have answers right ?? They did a Catscan and they came out normal .i was so hurt by the results because I knew I was far from normal ..so come to find out what I need is an MRI which I'll be getting November 11.. Having such a beautiful family I was still not happy all I can think about is how I would be better off dead than suffering the way I suffer but I refuse to give up ! I will search for answers and become an example for many young kids who take drugs and inhalants as a joke .. Although I will never have my old life back I will make my new one worth living for ! I will search for answers even if it takes me looking under rocks ! But if anyone with the same problem has found something that has helped with their brain damage even HBOT ?? Please let me know ... Thank you
xiaoke

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Reply with quote  #3 
20180327xiaoke
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