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ImGonnaStopToday

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #1 
Okay, so let me start by telling you why it's all started. I grew up at my grandmas house after my dad left, my mom didn't have a lot of money, so we lived at my grandmas for awhile. Her garage smelled so good. I know that sounds weird, but the dust and old boxes sitting there for 20+ years made it smell so good. After awhile we moved, but visited often. Then, this year, she cleaned out her garage and suddenly, the smell was gone. Now my sentimental side convinced me that the smell was actually that of gasoline. When I got home, I went to bed, but the following morning, our tree cutter guy came over. He has a little red can of gasoline. I just got very curious. I twisted the nozzle so it unlocked, and stuck my nose in. I only took 3-4 sniffs, but then I was called back to help. I decided that the smell was amazing. After that, after school, late at night, I would quietly unlock the garage door and sniff. I looked up horror stories to scare myself into stopping, and worked to a degree. It said that directly sniffing gas was bad, but then I started a new thing. I snuck out, poured a little bit on the floor, and wafted the smell towards my nose. Boy did that smell good. Then I stopped for about three days.p and I got curious again. I took a paper towel and poured a little on there and then touched the tip of my tongue to the wet spot on the napkin. It tasted bad, but it was so good at the same time. I did that about twice more, then decided that tasting was going too far. Then I stopped for another week. Now I needed another way that wasn't as direct. So I would unlock the gas tank lid on the minivan or the jeep and smelled off the inside of the lid. Every time I try to stop, I walk into the garage to get inside my house and smell the gas. I have enough self control to not taste/drink it, and I won't ever stick my nose right in anymore, but I can't seem to stop the gas cap thing. I have been going strong for about three days. So I'll take it one day at a time, and I promise if I struggle or break, I'll post it. Please give constructive criticism. Also, what are some other things I could do to keep my self busy?

THANK YOU

ps I don't do it for the high, it's more of a nostalgic thing, seeing as your sense of smell is directly linked to your memories

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Rish Vaughn
ImGonnaStopToday

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #2 
Okay so I broke today. I walked out into the garage to grab a juice box, and for some reason I smelled the gasoline in the air, and remembered a previous post that I had read about sniffing out of the law mower. So I did. I opened up the hood, and there wasn't anything there, so I closed it and shook the mower till I heard the gasoline sloshing in the tank. I found a cap under the seat that had the symbol for gasoline on it and got excited. I unscrewed the lid and sniffed off of the lid. I dotn know what to do. If someone could please help me. It feels I'm totally alone because I read other posts and there's thousands of replies, and here I am, just me. Please. Some help. I DONT WANNA SNIFF GAS BUT ITS SO GOOD AT THE SAME TIME. AND I KNOW ITS REALLY BAD FOR ME BIT I JUST CANT STOP. PLEASE HELP ME
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Rish Vaughn
TD1

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Posts: 3
Reply with quote  #3 
I know how it is. While I'm not addicted to gasoline. I suffer from a addiction to cleaners. Preferably pine oil cleaners. I had to find away to not put myself in situations where I could sniff and that helped me a lot. Got to the point where I removed all of it from my house so When I wanted to sniff the product I couldn't. It's a struggle so you just have to take it one day @ a time. I've had slip ups here and there. But nothing major and nothing in my house. You just have to stay strong mentally and find a way to stay away from gasoline. Never feel like you are alone. At the very least you always have this formum. Stay strong
ImGonnaStopToday

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you! So today's update. I texted my dad because he started smoking again, and got mad at him for caving. But then I felt bad because I sniff gas and had no right to be mad at him. So I called and told hi,. He was cool about it. He said he hopes that this is a phase snd that I don't keep it up. He said he is very worried and isn't happy, he'd be happier if I told him I smoked weed or smoked, and he brought up a new thing I hadn't thought about. What happens if the fumes ignite? I've seen burn victims, and that honestly scares the crap outta me. So thanks for replying, I really appreciate that!

Till tomorrow!

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Rish Vaughn
TD1

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Posts: 3
Reply with quote  #5 
Yes. This is truly a daily battle. And no problem!
ImGonnaStopToday

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #6 
Okay, so for today's update! NO GAS!!!! Woohoo! I even walked thought the garage where the gas can is and didn't even look at it, and I didn't even think about the gas caps! I'm doing pretty good! I'm actually extremely proud of myself for being strong today!

Till tomorrow!

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Rish Vaughn
TD1

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Posts: 3
Reply with quote  #7 
GOOD JOB! Keep it up. Remember your health is more important then anything!
td

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Posts: 10
Reply with quote  #8 
Update! How's it going?
Rishhh99

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #9 
Hey, so I can't get into my account, so this is my new one, so hi! Uhhh so I broke six days ago. I usually kick the gas can as my own form of vengeance, and one day kicking it just wasn't enough, so I poured a little out on the garage floor and stomped on it. But that was my mistake. The smell from the little puddle on the floor wafted into the air, and I got that urge. I took off my shoe and smelled off the bottom. My throat got tight, but my mind was going crazy with self hatred and that good smell. I put them down and went to bed. The next morning, I was at the bus stop and smelled off my shoe again, but the smell was gone. Good, I thought. I have been going good for six days. And I found someone I talk to everyday and I can trust. My Health teacher. She said that whatever I say stays between us. And I trust her. So, I'm trying this Again. I'm gonna stop today. I'm done. Pinky promise, hard as I can.

Till tomorrow!
serenityNow

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Posts: 11
Reply with quote  #10 
Keep the open dialog and continue sharing your pain. Reaching out is a major step. Going it alone is hard.... God bless you...stay the course and donot stubble.Christ will catch you if you do...once you fully let him in.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rishhh99
Hey, so I can't get into my account, so this is my new one, so hi! Uhhh so I broke six days ago. I usually kick the gas can as my own form of vengeance, and one day kicking it just wasn't enough, so I poured a little out on the garage floor and stomped on it. But that was my mistake. The smell from the little puddle on the floor wafted into the air, and I got that urge. I took off my shoe and smelled off the bottom. My throat got tight, but my mind was going crazy with self hatred and that good smell. I put them down and went to bed. The next morning, I was at the bus stop and smelled off my shoe again, but the smell was gone. Good, I thought. I have been going good for six days. And I found someone I talk to everyday and I can trust. My Health teacher. She said that whatever I say stays between us. And I trust her. So, I'm trying this Again. I'm gonna stop today. I'm done. Pinky promise, hard as I can.

Till tomorrow!
Rishhh99

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #11 
Okay I have been going great since the 22nd! It's kinda funny actually, I like yell at the car and give the gas cap death glares. It looks so weird, but it makes me feel SO much better. I've been staying at. My grandmas since Thursday, because my mom went to Vegas for my aunts wedding. She's also got a gas can on the shelf. Also two little ones, but the two little ones are old and empty and the smell has since left. But the big one, that's the pain in the neck. Because my grandparents are old and they don't notice everything, sometimes I go and smack the can and I hear the gas sloshing around inside and I mentally yell things at it. Things like OK FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU and YOU DONT CONTROL ME I COULD POUR YOU OUT INTO THE SEWER IF I WANTED. Yelling at it helps.

Remember that dusty old box smell I wrote about? Well that smell is coming back at my grandmas house and my house, so that helps a whole lot.

No offense to you or your religion btw, but I can power through this, with or without god. Whichever way it goes, IM QUITTING REGARDLESS. and then I'm gonna help others on this site to quit. Because this sucks. A lot.

Till tomorrow!
Rishhh99

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #12 
Hey! It's October 1st and I've still been going great! I don't need the gas anymore, but I've found a healthy smell to sniff instead of gas. I have really old copy of Catcher in the Rye, and it has that wonderful old book smell, so when I get that urge, I grab the book out of my backpack and fan the pages into my face. Although sometimes, late at night, I come outta my room and go to the door that leads to the garage. My garage has this smell of a very little bit if gasoline, fresh cut grass, and old boxes. I walk very quietly up to the where the side of the door meets the wall. Since it does t close right, I press my nose into the crack and take three to four deep inhales. This isn't bad, and it help to curb my cravings to sniff gasoline, and I just enjoy the smell. But that's it. Going for nine days! This is my new record, and I want to keep expanding this.

Till another day!
(I changed it because I dont post everyday)
Rishhh99

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #13 
Hey all! So I'm not sure if this counts as breaking or not, but when I got home and as you know, I like to abuse the gas can. When I got home, I took the gasoline can and kicked it halfway across the garage. I did this several times, until it flipped over into its nozzle and started to trickle out some gasoline. Note that this can is near empty and it's maybe down to drops in the bottom. I kept kicking it and then I decided I was done and picked up the can to put it back where I found it, and when I put it up, the wet nozzle tapped my leg and put a small spot of gasoline. By this time, the garage smelled heavily of gasoline. I was breathing through my nose, and the gasoline smelling air was smelled. When I went inside, I took the pants off immediately and threw them in the hamper, and when my stepdad came home and asked me if I'd done something with the gasoline, I said no. I can't tell them,mi have already told someone... So that's fine. I'm not sure this is considered as breaking, but I don't think so, so have been going for two weeks and one day!!! WOOHOOOOOO I'm going great! I think I'm going great and I'm really proud of myself! So for my two week milestone, I'm gonna treat myself to something like a big bowl of ice cream...mmmmmm

Till another time!

td

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Posts: 10
Reply with quote  #14 
Keep up the good work. Stay focused on the goal. Stay positive. You can beat this!
Till next time!
xiaoke

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Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #15 
20180327xiaoke
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