Registered: 1525785761 Posts: 1
Reply with quote #1
So I figured I'd share my story, even though it's similar to a lot of what I see on here already. I just turned 42 and I'm an inhalant addict. Just compressed air, no other substances, and I am working on getting "clean" (no pun intended).
It's funny, because I have severe OCD, along with an alcoholic father and lots of emotional issues (depression, anxiety, etc). And when I was younger, I did more than my fair share of drugs... well, mostly Ketamine (club drug), sometimes a little coke or crystal. I never was a big drinker (very low alcohol tolerance despite the drunk Irish cop father genes), and I never really smoked pot even. Over the years, I drifted away from the scene (well, growing up does that to you), and basically for the last decade I'd do Ketamine once a year. The only other "substance" is the occasional glass of wine with dinner, maybe 2 times a month. I work in the IT field, so I am responsible for maintaining computers. That means, among other things, keeping them free of dust. You know what that means. One day at work, I was using a can of compressed air to clean a computer out, and an idiotic co-worker came in. He grabbed the can and took a deep huff, then said "try this"..... ... that was about 5 years ago and I since then I have struggled with an addiction to compressed air. Sometimes just one can, sometimes 6 at a clip. There is a sexual component to this addiction... it's pleasurable in some erotic manner, and my body has associated huffing with pleasure. I did go to an IOP (Intensive Outpatient) therapy program for several weeks, and I stayed clean for a while after that. But that craving was still there. It's funny.... I could be in a room filled with a bowl of drugs, and I'd probably decline to use any of them. But when I walk into a store and see a can of air, it triggers a craving, a desire, an urge, and it's tough to resist. I know it's bad for me. In fact, it's extremely dangerous. My last binge of 4 cans started around 6pm, and the next thing I new I regained consciousness around 10pm. Which means my brain was fried for several hours. I've tried to resist.... and it's difficult. Last night, in fact, I really went crazy... 4 cans.... motel room.... (I can't do it at home)... then I drove 30 miles to a Walmart to get 4 more cans... back to the motel room.... when I "woke" up it was almost 3 AM!! I know how difficult this process is... and I'm working on it. It's going to take major amounts of self control, and the support of my family, therapist, addiction support group, and whatever else I can do to make myself stronger. Thanks for reading.
Registered: 1495141561 Posts: 13
Reply with quote #2
Thank you for sharing. You can do it. This is a good step, by reaching out, you're admitting it to yourself. Believe in yourself. I myself had that "erotic pleasure" of which you speak. If you're worried about your libido, cause duster messed mine up or so I thought, it will come back. My sex life is better than it ever was. Even before duster. Hang in there. Do not tempt yourself, do not treat yourself, dropping it all together is the only way.
Registered: 1521947356 Posts: 6
Reply with quote #3
Hey Toxic, first off I just want to give you a whole lot of encouragement in quitting. I know how hard it is. If you ever slip, don't get discouraged. Just hold on to your intention to quit. You're right you'll need all the support you can get. Sounds like the support is available to you, you're lucky to have it.
That's really interesting about the 'erotic pleasure’ aspect. It had that dimension for me as well. When I started out, I was huffing ethyl chloride, sold under various brand names at sex shops. I switched to duster when I realized it provides a nearly identical experience, but is far cheaper and available everywhere instead of just sex shops and head shops. Eventually, though, it was more about the oblivion than anything else.
Registered: 1515764520 Posts: 4
Reply with quote #4
Thanks for sharing, I have posted a few times in here about my brother that died from this addiction in January. He was found with 118 cans in his house the week of his binge. I really think he thought it was just a harmless can of air and that it wasn't destroying his body and mind. It did have a hold on him, one that me and my older brother could not help him with anymore. We had put him through two inpatient rehabs and it didn't stop him from the last and final relapse for him. Just a note to thinking it doesn't destroy your insides...well the autopsy report was proof that it was destroying his insides. He had a grossly enlarged heart that I believe was from the air and it was working on his lungs as well. One lung was worse than the other (and he didn't smoke or anything). So to think this "air" doesn't have an impact on your organs...well it does. And his cause of death was
1,1-Difluoroethane toxicity, so he finally poisoned himself with it. I hope you can kick this addiction..I pray that you do. It took the life of my 44 year old brother and we hate that it is so easy to buy and so deadly to those who misuse it. It was a death sentence for my brother and a terrible loss for his 5 year old daughter who will never really know her daddy..just the memories of him that we will keep alive for her. __________________ Jennifer Pliske
Registered: 1510480431 Posts: 12
Reply with quote #5
I'm in the same boat - we should lean on each other and get through this together.
Registered: 1340437432 Posts: 36
Reply with quote #6
Hi Toxic Spider-Man.
I’m sorry that you were introduced to this disgusting can. I read your post, and I wondered what you meant when you mentioned “erotic pleasure”?. What does that feel like?
I ask because my former boyfriend of 17 years became severely , and I mean severely addicted to this can.
Six years of me watching his life crumble to pieces. Eventually in his highs, he seemed completely out of his mind. Passed out on street sidewalks, parks, and in his truck. He lost his identity, his job, money, his license , his cars, his family, which was me and his 2 year old, and eventually he lost his life, almost 2 years ago next month.
Like you he checked into a hotel, to use comfortably I imagine. But on a hot Sunday afternoon, seems like he decided to use by the pool of the hotel he checked into.
He didn’t make it out of the pool alive.
He probably took a hit, fell in the water, went unconscious, inhaled water in his lungs and died.
Paramedics tried to revive him, but no, he was gone.
He was loved by many; no one knew of his sickness, just me and his immediate family.
He left his little 2 year old behind. I had to leave him because I couldn’t be with an addict anymore, the addiction was killing me too, the pain of watching my loved one die slowly ate me alive.
When using duster, it’s not a matter of if you will die if you continue on this path. It’s inevitable. The real question is when will be your last hit?????
No one knows. If there is any part of you that wants to live, fight for your life and healing, it’s very possible to survive this. But don’t think about it too long, you’re running out of chances, trust me, I know this.
May God bless you and your healing journey.
If you want to email me to discuss this further, don’t hesitate,
firstname.lastname@example.org __________________ Cc