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Wendy

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Posts: 3
Reply with quote  #1 

Hi all. So glad I found this community. 

Quick story, (as this has been a process). My meek and mild brother-in-law who we thought would never dream of doing drugs has slipped to the dark side.

He started doing tramedol at work (his work buddies turned him on to it). Then when it got too expensive he started buying it via the mail from overseas! WHO KNEW YOU COULD DO THAT?

The overseas stuff was laced with PCP...just great.

Jump forward 3 accidents (I mean rollover crashes on the highway and hit skips and everything) and now he's on seizure meds from the tramedol....

Jump forward again. He can't afford tramedol...but he can buy dusters by the case and drink beer with it. We're talking cases of dusters!

We don't know what to do. His lips are grayed? He has seizures, he says his joints hurt, he can't remember things, he pisses himself and he has bled from the rear.

We're at a loss...any ideas are welcome. I'm afraid the next step is us standing next to his grave [frown] He's so skinny.

 

Thank you for your time.

Anonnona

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #2 
You really need to get him help. At the very least someone needs to keep an eye on him 24/7, whether it be family or doctors. This drug plays on loneliness, don't give it ammo. Remove from his grasp any transport and funds and means to get any drugs. This stuff slows your heart and alcohol is a depressant as well. He's playing with fire. Please heed my words. Show him these stories on here. Show him the light and the dark. Finding this site helped save my life. I was able to see I wasn't alone even in my own stupidity. This drug has one blessing. Once you're actually freed from its grasp, it doesn't nag at you like other drugs, every once in a while it'll fleet through your mind and gone just as soon. He can get free and stay free. He's gonna have to kick it all, not just duster.
BlueRider

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Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #3 
This is so sad to hear. I wish that I knew something to tell you that could take this away. I do agree that it plays on loneliness. Is he living alone? It's important to keep him as connected as possible. He needs warm human connections and activities that give his life meaning. There is no magic bullet. The duster is a very serious situation, and it is within reason to consider very serious remedies. Such as residential treatment, but even that's no gaurantee as you well know from reading this forum. I have been where he is and it breaks my heart to think about him going through it. You're both in my thoughts and prayers. I can offer empathy and maybe some hope. I wish I could do more.
Wendy

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Posts: 3
Reply with quote  #4 

Thank you. This helps a lot beacuse he was living alone....and...a drug counselor told us to stop enabling and helping him!!! We're all just devastated.

I got a VM from him yesterday. If you heard it. OMG..long periods of silence then you could hear him huffing (gurgling noises through a straw it sounded like), he was asking who the people coming in his house were and the growling like in pain...3 mins of vm torture.

Thank you so much. This has helped - I'll tell the brothers that counselor is wrong. I tried calling him yesterday and no answer. I txted him and asked him to please come with us to Mother's Day lunch with his mom and me and Don. No answer. As of this moment I don't know if he's alive or dead...and he won't answer the door so when we go there we just bang on it for 30 mins and there's nothing we can do. I called the police and asked about a  wellness check, but his ex and the brothers got mad because they said if the police go in there's scattered drugs everywhere and he'll go to jail. I said, I think that may be what he needs.

At a loss. We all love him and I think that counselor the one brother is speaking to for help is dead wrong.

Thank you again. I really appreciate the help. <3

Anonnona

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #5 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wendy

Thank you. This helps a lot beacuse he was living alone....and...a drug counselor told us to stop enabling and helping him!!! We're all just devastated.

I got a VM from him yesterday. If you heard it. OMG..long periods of silence then you could hear him huffing (gurgling noises through a straw it sounded like), he was asking who the people coming in his house were and the growling like in pain...3 mins of vm torture.

Thank you so much. This has helped - I'll tell the brothers that counselor is wrong. I tried calling him yesterday and no answer. I txted him and asked him to please come with us to Mother's Day lunch with his mom and me and Don. No answer. As of this moment I don't know if he's alive or dead...and he won't answer the door so when we go there we just bang on it for 30 mins and there's nothing we can do. I called the police and asked about a  wellness check, but his ex and the brothers got mad because they said if the police go in there's scattered drugs everywhere and he'll go to jail. I said, I think that may be what he needs.

At a loss. We all love him and I think that counselor the one brother is speaking to for help is dead wrong.

Thank you again. I really appreciate the help. <3



Jail time will help. Harsh to say but true. It doesn't matter what the ex and brothers say at this point. Its obvious that their concerns are not placed in his best interests. Jail is better than dead.
ht70363

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Posts: 1
Reply with quote  #6 

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BlueRider

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Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #7 
Wow, yeah I can't imagine how painful that vm must have been. When you said “cases” of duster, that really concerns me.

Enabling is tricky topic. I for sure don't have all the answers, but withholding love and kindness is not helpful, it's the opposite.

Jail time could help. The stakes couldn't be higher, and jail is better than dead. It's a tough choice you might have to make, but have your eyes open about the risks. Some jail time is one thing, but felony charges or prison time, that's a different question. The impact on one's life is severe and can be difficult to overcome. And if he's meek and mild, incarceration could be very traumatizing. No easy answers.

Here's a book you might want to check out, for how to help without enabling: “Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening” by Robert J. Meyers, Brenda L. Wolfe

I hope and pray he's okay.
Wendy

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Posts: 3
Reply with quote  #8 

Yes, I wish I could post the VM...tears rolled down my face...and yeah...his ex and daughter cleaned up cases of the stuff from the basement. He's using that, plus tramedol from overseas that when he was in the hospital they found it was laced with PCP. And, of course, he drinks.

He will most likely do jail time anyway for his car crashes. The hit/skip is a felony...and someone got hurt. He has his pretrial date on Wednesday. Not sure how he's getting htere. Her won't answer the phone for any of us, then turns around and tells his mom we don't call.

I had to go literally steal his mom's car from his driveway. She took her keys away from him and didn't know he had made a spare set. Now that car is missing a side mirror and the door is held shut with a bungee strap.

He's out of control.

Thank you I'll look into the book 

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