Registered: 1524439854 Posts: 1
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I have been searching for answers as to why my best friend of 30 yrs died at the age of 42 Sept. 12, 2017 after revealing to me she had been doing something messed up but she would tell me in person. I couldn’t imagine what this could be. She was not into drugs so I was completely confused as to what this could be. She invited me over one evening which wasn’t out of the ordinary as we have always went to one another’s houses for a long time; however this time it seemed different, almost like she was desperate for my company. I was tired and had to work at 6am so I told her that I may come by but wasn’t sure. She normally would t care but this time she seemed disappointed and I sensed that so I sucked it up and headed over. For some reason i didn’t feel like she was really into visiting and seemed distant but I didn’t think much of it. I just figured she was lonely and wanted me to just be there. She had been saying things out of the ordinary the past 3 weeks or so but sadly I didn’t see it as anything too serious. She had been more withdrawn the past few months but always kept in touchh usually a text. She hated talking on the phone. Anyway I’ll get to the point. When she confessed what she had done I was shocked but for some crazy reason I thought it was a one time thing and told her it was okay as long as she wasn’t ever going to do it again. The next visit she cane to my place and seemed okay but still not quite herself. Again I knew she had been going through a tough time but she wasn’t telling me anything concerning after her confession of huffing air duster. She stayed for awhile but said she had to get home to do some packing because she had bought a friends house and needed to get a lot done. This wasn’t her usual as she would normally stay and have fun with not much worry about getting home. The third and final time I saw her was beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Sat Sept. 9, 2017 i received the texts. “ Need you” and right away after that “Come now” We after watching the Husker game and had had family over so I offered for her to come over. I am not sure what I was thinking and still can’t make sense of how I was so blind. After my invite she text something along the lines of bringing two cars because she couldn’t drive and that her youngest daughter -14 yrs old had showed up from her dad’s unexpectedly. My friend was divorced and shared custody 50-50. Anyway the text was terrible and hard to make sense of it but I knew then I had to get there as fast as I could!!!!! I was shaking and anxious and terrified but prayed all the way there for wisdom and whatever else I needed for what I was walking into. When I arrived I walked in to an empty house/duplex so I walked around yelling her name but no answer so I checked out back where she went out to read and smoke cigarettes. When I saw her at first she seemed okay but that quickly changed. She was dressed in a baggy night shirt and sweat shorts in the middle of the day and her appearance was not good. She had been crying that much I could tell. After a few more minutes passed by she started telling me she was tired of her life and didn’t want to live anymore. I was silent trying to come up with something but I couldn’t. I just sat there and listened to her for awhile. She then grabbed this can that she had sitting next to her by the step we were sitting on. She put it up to her mouth and inhaled it. Shock is all I could feel but I had to get it together. I had to watch her do this alomg with the odd behavior following inhalation. She was slurring her words and talking nonsense along with pointing at the air while hallucinating. I finally was able to ask her why she did it and what it did. She didn’t really give a clear answer besides telling me to just try it. I declined stating I was too scared and just kinda blew it off while freaking out inside. After more huffing she stood up outside and started screaming that she hated life and just wanted todie and that she was crazy like all the females in her family then screamed at her dog and how much she hated him. She loved dogs and had always been such a loving kind happy person. I finally asked her if she wanted me to take her to the hospital. She got in my face and said some choice words along with “ Don’t you dare try to make me go so I backed off and said I was just worried about the chemicals damaging her body. She said NO she was fine. I appogized and said I’d never do anything to betray her or harm her. She calmed down. Finally the van was gone. After awhile she was more lucid but bawling and still suicidal. She was blowing her nose on her shirt and blowing it out on the ground. It was so awful. After as she started to calm down she was able to be more clear on what was going on and I explained to her that she could die from huffing and what I knew about suicide from working at an outpatient Psychiatric Clinic called the ACT program for a few years.. we talked for hours and we made a plan and she started to appear less anxious. I won’t go into detail about everything that night but I spent the night with her and when I woke up she was dressed and ready to spend the day with her girls. Her older daughter - 17 came that morning. Hey had activities all day which made me feel somewhat better about leaving. We hugged and said we loved each other as we always did but deep down I had an uneasy feeling. That night Sun. Sept. 10th , I told my husband about what happened and that I was extremely worried. He calmed me down and said she’d call me if she needed me. I could t slew that night and had severe anxiety but for some reason when I got home from work I didn’t text or call her. Again Mon Sept 11th I was still anxious and didn’t sleep well. I had a very hard time working that in the am because I was so worried about her. The phone call came at 11:30am at work that my best friiend was found dead in her bed. I went there right away and instantly dropped to my knees, dropped my phone and felt like I had been hit by a truck. Events afterward were of course a nightmare. Since I was her best friend and with her that weekend a select number of people mainly her family family members blamed me for not telling anyone or not doing more to save her. I didn’t know how long it had been going on until after her death. 2-3 months! I was shocked over and over at what others knew but still blamed by some including her mother, her ex husband who had known me for 20 yrs, his parents, her own brother who lived with her and a few females she was not fond of but others didn’t know this. Anyway I was told her boyfriend of two years who is an alcoholic introduced this to her but he insists this is not what killed her and that if it were she wound have had a can in her hand when found dead. He was the person who found her sadly and I feel horrible about that but I have been desperately trying to figure out if she died while huffing or from the damage already done. I know it is because of the chemicals and how it deprives oxygen to the body and brain and all the effects but for some reason I need to know. I know she had a migraine so bad that she couldn’t get out of bed or barely function the night prior to her death. I also found out she had been so sick she hadn’t been eating, basically all the side effects were killing her. I guess I just want to know if she died even if she supposedly hadn’t huffed since Mon. the day before. Her boyfriend is convinced she didn’t die from this and I am sure it is part of why along with being so depressed and anxious she did it in the first place. It’s been a roller coaster grieving the loss of my best friend who I loved so much. I am missing a piece of me and feel very lonely often times. Learning to live without her and grieving her constantly has been unexplainable. Also hard for others to know my pain. Thank you for this site! I’ve been doing this alone and it’s too much
Registered: 1510480431 Posts: 12
Reply with quote #2
When do you find out about the autopsy report?
Registered: 1503682526 Posts: 13
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My 22 year old daughter passed away September 12 2017 her boyfriend found her in her bed at 5am. She also huffed air duster. She hadn't been on a bindge that I know of. Her autopsy came back difloranine toxicity. It was ruled as an accident. She died from huffing air duster. It was the hardest day of my life!! Don't let her family or friends tell you did anything wrong! This is the most addictive drug I have ever seen. It takes over EVERYTHING!!! Just be glad you got to spend so time with her. Air duster isolates you from everything even your self! I would feel good knowing she reached out. You did what she needed some company on a bad night. I fought my daughters addiction for 4 long years. I did everything to keep her from using. She would be fine until I gave her a little trust. I'd end up finding her in Walmart parking lot huffing! I am so sorry for your loss. But don't get down on yourself or let anyone else either!!