Registered: 1488691552 Posts: 1
Reply with quote #1
My husband and I have been married for 15 years, my husband huffed spray paint when we were in highschool as a party drug. Skip forward we are in our late 30's with two daughters a 14 and 9 year old. A year back I was out of town when I got a call from my mother in law that they had came by the house and he had been huffing, ( he had gone into a in treatment facility for huffing when he was 20), after that night I would wake up in the middle of the night and he wouldn't be in bed, he would go out to the shed and huff all night. I had caught him on many occasions. It got to the point were he has lost a great job, lucked out and got another great job ( thank God)! We even started going to couples counseling for a while. I was even to the point of filing for divorce. Then he seemed to be doing great for months, well tonight he ran to the store, I thought nothing of it. Well he went out side, I go out there don't see him. Then he comes in well he had been huffing
will this ever stop! I don't know what to do, I don't want my children to witness this. When he does it he waits til everyone's asleep. He is very intelligent! A great father and husband. But he always goes back to the paint. I'm so lost and don't know what to do! Please help!!
Registered: 1224192707 Posts: 581
Reply with quote #2
Thank you for reaching out for help. Please look into getting help for yourself (and children), which should preferably include attending a local Al-Anon meeting. Al-Anon is primarily for loved ones who are affected by the problem drinker, however, there may be an "open" Al-Anon meeting for anyone to attend. There have been addiction treatment professionals who have said that by the friends and family attending Al-Anon, it may help to lessen the chance of enabling the addict. (It's *not* in place of professional counseling with a licensed substance abuse counselor, for instance.)
Please know that Alateen is for teens who are affected by a parent's (or household member) drinking problem. (Due to there being less meetings available for Alateen - which is based on the 12 steps and 12 principles of AA - it may be all right for the teen whose parent does *not* drink to attend a "closed" Alateen meeting.) Here is their website to search for a possible local Al-Anon and/or Alateen meeting: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ This website should have some local (and national) counseling and treatment programs for those with substance abuse and/or mental health issues, which may include a Certified Addiction Counselor (CAC) or Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor (CADC): https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/ and can type one's zip code or state of residence into search. Their toll-free 24/7 ** referral ** hotline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357). Please also keep in mind that the desire to get sober is ultimately the decision of the addict, even with the best addiction specialists in the world. It's the hope and goal of treatment for the person with the addiction(s) that he/she will start to learn more healthier ways of coping and dealing with any triggers (to use the substance). You may be familiar with the term "intervention," which happens to also be the name of a TV show about families who are trying to get their loved ones treatment for some type of addiction(s). The intervention is typically held with a certified intervention specialist or at least a certified addictions professional. Also, the addict usually does NOT know about the planned intervention beforehand, or he/she may *not* show up. The goal of an intervention is to try to break through the denial of the addict, so that he/she will (hopefully) accept the outside professional help that is offered. Should the addict refuse to get treatment right after the intervention, those participating in the intervention usually let the addict know of the consequences for refusing treatment, such as *not* giving the addict money, *not* calling "in sick" for the addict, *not* bailing him/her out of jail, and/or even *not* having contact with the individual until getting treatment. This website has some tips on dealing with someone who has just engaged in huffing, which includes *not* trying to startle the individual or "sudden sniffing death" may occur from a cardiac arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat): http://www.inhalants.org/whatodo.htm Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has 12-step meetings throughout the country and world. The only requirement is the person having a desire to get sober. (One may attend an "open" AA meeting if there is no drinking problem): http://www.aa.org/ This website has some common mottos pertaining to those 12-step programs, such as "One day at a time," "First things first," and "People, places and things": http://www.royy.com/toolsofrecovery.html Hoping that you and your husband (and children) decide to utilize the available community and professional resources. A book that is about the process of an intervention (though, NOT necessarily in place of dealing with an addiction professional) is called "Intervention: How to Help Someone Who Doesn't Want Help" by Vernon Johnson. My friend actually has a severe *Brain Injury* from huffing at the age of 12, now in her 40s. Please let your husband know that not everyone dies from inhalant use but may be left with long-term, permanent damage. Perhaps both of you may consider visiting a physical rehabilitation hospital that treats people with brain injury (though, getting prior staff approval).
Registered: 1340437432 Posts: 23
Reply with quote #3
Hello! It's wonderful that you are venting and reaching out.
My heart aches for you, I remember being in your shoes. It's a painful reality to live.
You will learn this, if you haven't already.
Try to think of this:
You have zero power or control over what your husband does, and all the power and control over what u do.
You can't change an addict. But you can change how you react to an addict.
I know this story all too well, dealt with it for 6 years.
If you would like detailed guidance, I'm a psychologist, I'm happy to email more of what may help you.
Email me at email@example.com
My husband died of huffing, tell your husband that huffing kills. Really, it does.
Claudia __________________ Cc