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You certainly have it straight when you say you are not alone. And no matter how bad you feel you have it...someone has it worse. They have lost everything to enclude who they were. Somtimes i feel death is an easy way out rather than face the shame and destruction it can cause us. It can Change your life in a new york minute. I know you don't like hearing it can kill us...i got it...so whats worse is turning into a zombie as our minds turn to ash. And there sits our loved ones helplessly suffering as they scramble to povide us help. Its not easy for us...the true addict. We sometimes even pin our demon to the ground only to find another addiction to replace it. Death can be the final outcome in this battle we'll face till the day we die. Ask yourself...will i let it defeat me or will i be victorious...? God bless
helQUOTE=BreakFree] Hello Everyone: I am new to this forum..... I too like the way it smells and always have--along with nail polish remover, Lysol, Windex, gasoline, and hand sanitizer (only certain type of things). I too start to salivate when I think about it and begin to shake. I tend to be in a bad mood when I can't get my hands on them like I want. I have seuffered with it for years now and thought that I was in doom and despair--still really feel like it at times. I also suffer from, what I feel , severe depression because of it. A huge part of me is relieved that I found this forum. I have never been a part of one. I have been living with this shame for a long while now and it is tearing my life a part. You feel like you can't tell anyone because you fear they will treat you differently or speak of it as if it is mediocre. I HAVE EVEN SEEN SOME THINGS ON THIS FORUM THAT CAN COME OFF SLIGHTLY OFFENSIVE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT CERTAIN PEOPLE JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT THE INHALANT ADDICT GOES THROUGH--SO PLEASE, THOSE OF YOU, BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR WORDS AND BE SENSITIVE IN THIS ENVIRONMENT. I have seen comments like "just go be a part of this group" or "stop before you kill yourself." I can tell by the tone of the comments and the diction that those people are not addicts and simply don't understand all that much. Believe me, we know a lot about what it's doing to us and we still find it hard to stop--that's why it's called an addiction. Surprisingly, many people don't even know what inhalant abuse is and it's basically impossible to find support groups anywhere for it. I have a wonderful husband, a great government job, and decent life. I became addicted to this stuff at around 18 years old and am now going on 33. I was addicted, at first, from 18 to about 23. Then I recovered. Then about two years ago, it raised its ugly head again. I feel terrible because I feel that I am ruining my marriage. My emotional health has completely changed in that I am highly irritated all the time. I snap at my husband a lot and am having problems at work. The thoughts and cravings "hit" me like a ton of bricks all the time and I do my best to stop them, but I fail much of the time. I find myself sneaking away to do it whether I'm at work or church! I feel totally alone. I love my husband, but he can't even begin to understand what I am going through. He is a very sweet man with a big heart that loves me, but he has not walked the same road as I. Sometimes I wish that we were not together simply so that I won't make things hard for him--I love him too much. How shameful is it to have a wife that has a drug addiction. It's horrible! I went to my doctor recently to get help and ended up feeling like a fool--my doctor doesn't even know what inhalant addiction is. I then figured that she would be no help at all. I just want to find a support group with which I can totally release all m feelings, fears, pains, regrets, etc. My only hope is in God. I want so badly to stop! At least I know I am not alone out here.......