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question3828

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To make a long story short what happened was on the 13th of April I stuck my head inside a kitchen cupboard which was painted a while ago and never opened and it smelt strongly of paint fumes/strong chemical smell and deliberately inhaled the fumes. I went to my room and within 1-2 minutes I came back again to sniff inside the cuppboard, this time I felt even more intoxicated and started feeling dizzy and like I couldn’t walk straight. When I returned to my room my heart was beating very fast and I think I almost would have had a heart attack if I hadn’t calmed down, and that’s what happened that day.The next day I realised I had these pimples around my mouth and nose. That night I went to hospital with a very high blood pressure after shaking like crazy and feeling very strange pain in my chest, like my whole body tensed up all of a sudden at moments. My dad told me I looked very sick that night. My blood pressure was 160 systolic and 144 diastolic. The next few days I felt sick and could not think at all as though I was mentally retarded, and I had this sort of white stuff coming from my throat when I spit in the sink. It didn’t look like mucus and had this chemical taste. Over the next couple of days I contiuned to spit this white stuff, every couple of minutes it ran down my throat and I had to spit because it was very disgusting. A few days after this I started feeling okay physically but mentally I felt very stupid as though I became dumber after this incident. When I went to the toilet one day I pissed my pants forgetting to tuck my thing under the toilet seat, that’s when I said this is it I’ve damaged my brain and I’ll be retarded for the rest of my life and cried my eyes out. Since the 13th of April I’ve not been the same. I feel like I’ve lost a part of me becoming less intelligent.

So my question is what do I do now? This is the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life and I am ashamed that I ever did it and I did it because of incredibly stupid reasons. A number of factors led me to self harm in this way which is being depressed for 8 years and having severe anhedonia. I’ve booked an appointment for a neurologist for the 2nd of August. From what I read from another post on here you need to start HBOT within 4 days otherwise the damage becomes permanent. I am 1 1/2 months too late and by the time I see the neurologist I’ll be 2 1/2 months late. My grades at university (college in my country) have already suffered and everything is more difficult now. Things which were easy are now hard and learning new things is also difficult. I’ve been eating healthy, exercising everyday and playing chess but I feel like it’s pointless if I’m going to be like this for the rest of my life. I feel like I don’t want to live anymore as a result.

Is it possible to reverse the damage I have done? Will my brain ever be the way it was before this happened? Will my neurons and brain cells regenerate/recover?
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