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ScaredForHim

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Posts: 7
Reply with quote  #1 
Well, I definitely put the carriage before the horse with this one...figures, with my luck.
Where as I honestly thought my boyfriends doctor scared the bejesus out of him regarding finding out about his huffing spray paint, Im saddened to report he has not stopped.
On a beautiful Saturday morning I awoke to my boyfriend not being in bed, but rather he was downstairs in his filthy basement huffing his spray paint.
I went down in the basement, kicked in the door and grabbed the can of spray paint, called him many explicitives, grabbed the cup out of his hand, threw the cup in the garbage and hid the paint can in one of the cabinets.....you guessed it, he found the can, went back downstairs, grabbed another cup and huffed out of spite now.
I screamed I was calling his doctor, ran upstairs, grabbed my cell phone and called his doctors office....I put the speaker phone on so he knew I wasnt kidding....he was so out of it, he smelt like crap, and was slurring his words.
He barracaded himself behind the unlocked door, leaning up against it...I rammed the door and knocked his ass to the floor....Imagine...all this with a 42 year old man. Ha! What a freaking joke!
I decided I cant be a nice guy anymore and started hitting him where it hurts...not physically but emotionally and mentally.
He desperately wants a child, a daughter to call his own...I screamed at him, "Wouldnt this be great if I had our daughter standing here next to me watching her Father be an a-hole, hurting himself. He immediately teared up and punched the wall...at some point he cut his arm and I managed to make him spill his cup of paint all over himself, his arms, his clothes, you name it.
I am a very mellow person by nature, not a yeller or screamer and never disrespectful, but he forced me to show a side of myself I never imagined I had in me. I dont like being nasty but I was.
I told him he is a pathalogical liar, a retard, a muther f'ing a-hole, I told him he was so selfish. He actually argued these points with me.
Anyway, he's passed out now and will sleep all day into this evening.
What a life! What a way to make the best of a second chance of life when he was declared in remission from cancer. Wow! What a guy!
I threatened to leave again and told him he will NEVER EVER find any woman stupid enough to put up with his nonsense and that once I leave, I'll never come back, ever. He has no family and no real friends to speak of.
What a wonderful start to me day!
To all you huffers out there - stop being so damn selfish, stop for a minute out of your drunken haze and look around you - you are destroying those around you who love you and dont want to see you hurt yourselves.
Everyone has problems, you arent the only ones, you just choose to cop out and take the cowards way out by huffing yourselves into oblivion while the rest of us who really do care and dont want to see you hurt yourselves are forced to sit back and watch you kill yourselves.
Get a grip! No one said life was easy, hell, I know my life isnt easy, I have tons of problems and dont appreciate him adding more stress to my life.
Its not fair people. Gees, cant you guys see that? Dont you know people actually DO care????


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ScaredForHim
QueshiaB

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Posts: 676
Reply with quote  #2 
I'm sorry to hear that he has relapsed.

You raised a very good point about huffers and their relationships with others. Is their anyone else out there with the same or different perspective on if inhalant abusers are selfish??

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Rathanavan

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Posts: 9
Reply with quote  #3 
I'm not sure how to do this low key, never was any good at that. I'll apologize ahead of time for what I know will upset you but I feel must be said. All people involved in the vicious addiction circles are selfish. we put the mistress of substance before ANYTHING else in our lives. we have learned to hide from life, from family and friends, but mostly from ourselves and our past lives.  god I dont want to hurt you with what I say... you say you screamed at him, get very "in your face" with him, people did that with me too. It only reinforced my feelings of low to no worth. it proved I was unlovable to me, but it never helped me quit. All of us in the boat of addiction learn to lie, this surprises you? we learn to hide behavior we are powerless to stop, to try to keep our failures private. It isnt until one addict talks to another addict or a family member that true healing can begin. no one gets it perfect first time around. those of you though that get sucked into our lives and vicious circles of use I do pity, you become addicted to trying to save us. in doing so you forget the golen rule, accecpt that which you cannot change, and change what you can. you cant change him because your not him. you can only change that which is DIRECTLY under your control. I suggest you try a 12 step program for yourself, it is sorrowful that many addicts lose all they have but it is our choice. We may not wish to admit it, but it is our choice. any time you need to vent, drop me a line. I cant change things, but I can listen.
Frank
ScaredForHim

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Posts: 7
Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you for your post. I find it helpful to get feedback from my posts, hoping to find some answers, find some clues as to how to help my boyfriend.
Whenever I know he huffs...it's usually when he comes to bed and reaks of the stuff....ugh the smell is horendous. I am a light sleeper and wake easily, Yes, I give him a hard time, trying to make him feel bad or guilty for doing such a stupid thing, for voluntarilly hurting himself. It's insane!
I can argue until Im blue in the face, but the confrontations always end the same way each time and that's by him stating "This is MY house and I can do whatever I want whenever I want and however I want! You are NOT my wife. I should be able to do what I want without you bothering me...I just want to get high..leave me alone!"
Where as my boyfriend is an extremely aggressive argumentative person, I am very passive and a non yeller....he always wins the arguments.
I have a feeling that he has been doing this even before we started dating (we're together 3 1/2 years), what makes me say that is because from very early on I use to catch him sniffing rubbing alcohol.
Anyway, for a 42 year old man, chances are he is set in his ways and will not change his habits. What I dont understand is his "specific health situation", meaning he is in remission from stage 3/4 esophageal cancer...went through 7 months of intensive chemo that destroyed the cancer....as advanced as his cancer was he totally beat the odds by battling his cancer, even his Oncologist cant explain why he's still alive.
I wasnt dating him when he was diagnosed, I met him 5 months after his last chemo treatment and a month after his first biopsy.
He beat cancer...he fought with all his might to survive, and he succeeded! Why on Earth would you huff spray paint to get high after you fought to live? I have been doing so much research on huffing and my findings are truly disturbing...in fact Im scared to death for him. He colappsed over a month ago from huffing for a long period of time, probably a few hours because I found him sitting in his car in the driveway at 4am...he got home around midnight, so you do the math. That was the same night that as soon as he stepped foor in the house he colappsed and I called 911 immediately.
So, yeah, since that BS that night, I have caught him since, however now we have a turn of events..
Next month he needs to go through some routine tests for the cancer..CT scan, upper endoscopy and his follow up at Sloan Kettering. NOW he's nervous that the paint is going to show up in his tests or blood, now he's afraid he might have already created some irreversible damage. I told him that I have researched what this garbage can do to him, personality changes, depression, organ and brain damage to name a few. On that note, he has not huffed in a couple of weeks..Im thinking in the hopes that the chemicals from the paint have left his system.
Sad truth is, after all of his tests and after the oncologist gives him yet another clean bill of health, I know he will go back to huffing....why wouldnt he? Didnt hurt him before, didnt show up in any of his tests, obviously didnt create any permament damage...I know the way he thinks.
Me? Right now Im kinda glad he stopped, but this time I will not jump the gun and say he has stopped for good. Trust me, in about a month I will post that he is up to his old tricks again.
I dont like watching him hurt himself. I dont want to come home from work one day and find him dead from huffing...dont tell me it cant or wont happen because we know you can and it will kill you one day. His attitude....put me in a morgue, Im tired.
Life isnt going the way he wants and expects it be, therefor he gets high because he's stressed.
Still at a loss, but like I said before, glad he has stopped for the time being.
I feel that sometimes he does it, he knows  I HATE it and does it out of spite just to upset me OR blames me because Im not living up to his expectations.
This whole scene is a mess, and Im caught right in the middle, the sober one, trying to keep things in order while dealing with an agressive huffer.
I agree with you - I think IM the one who needs help for staying here.

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ScaredForHim
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